I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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