In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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