I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
