apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
