He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I intend to get homeless drunk
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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