Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
