Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
