I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
