Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
