So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
