I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
