i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
