I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
