I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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