How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
