Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
