remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
These tits shall not be calmed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
