Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
