if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You can't motorboat a personality
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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