I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
