Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
