Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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