I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
