I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
