i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
