my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
