i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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