Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
