I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
