He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
