did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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