I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
