just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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