I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
