absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
