It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
