is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
