My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
