You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dicks are not precious.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
