her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
