Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
