he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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