Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
