coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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