Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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