Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
