she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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