that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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