I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
