Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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