i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
