i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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